In my safeguarding training sessions, one of the most common questions I’m asked is this:
“What should I do if a child or a vulnerable adult discloses something worrying to me?”
People fear getting this wrong, understandably so. We have all seen high-profile cases where someone asked for help, but the response failed them. When a person is brave enough to tell us they are being harmed – or that they fear they may be – we must be ready.
So, let’s look at what good practice looks like when you receive a disclosure, and how you can respond in a way that protects the person from further harm, while at the same time protecting yourself.
How to respond to a disclosure …
Listen – fully and calmly
This sounds simple, but it’s incredibly important. When someone begins to speak about harm, our instinctive reactions kick in. Our minds race ahead: “Who do I tell? What if I say the wrong thing?” We become anxious, emotional, even panicked. Your first task is to be present.
Let them speak. Listen without interruption.
Your attention tells them: “You matter. You can trust me.”
Never promise secrecy
When someone shares something painful or frightening, they may ask you to keep it secret. But often in safeguarding situations you cannot do that – because doing so would leave them unsafe.
A phrase I find incredibly helpful is:
“I’m only going to tell the people I need to tell to keep both you and me safe.”
It reassures them that:
- You will not share their story widely, and
- You are on their side, helping to keep everyone safe.
How to respond to a disclosure … It also sets a clear expectation from the start – disclosure may need to go further.
You are not an investigator
This is a key principle of safeguarding. It is not your role to start interrogating or interviewing. You don’t need every detail. You don’t need to solve the mystery.
What you do need is enough information to understand whether the person is at risk and what the appropriate next steps are.
Don’t drill into the who/what/why/where. That can distort the person’s account, raise anxiety, or accidentally lead them into giving answers they think you want to hear.
Use the TED approach
There is a simple, practical structure that allows gentle clarification without turning you into a detective:
T — Tell
“Tell me a bit more about what happened.”
E — Explain
“Can you explain what you mean by that?”
D — Describe
“Describe what happened next.”
TED is a memory aid that helps you ask open, non-leading questions – enough to understand whether something is genuinely abusive or simply a misunderstood situation.
Let me give you an example.
A safeguarding lead once received this statement from a child:
“Mum grabbed me.”
It sounds alarming – but it’s also incomplete. Children get ‘grabbed’ out of real-life danger every day: running into the road, stepping in front of a swing, climbing somewhere unsafe. We’ve all probably done it as parents or carers.
Using TED – “Tell me more… When did it happen?” – might reveal the context and help you understand whether harm was intended or avoided. Remember: Context matters. TED helps you find it safely.
Know your organisation’s safeguarding pathway
Every organisation – large or small – should have a safeguarding policy. It should tell you:
- who your safeguarding lead/officer is,
- how to report a concern, and
- what to do if that person is unavailable.
You are not alone in managing disclosures. The safeguarding lead is there to advise, support, and escalate appropriately. You can ask them:
“This is what I’ve been told – what should I do next?”
If you’re part of a voluntary group or community setting, the policy may feel ‘light touch’, but it still matters. Everyone must know how to protect those who are at risk.
Record what was said — simply and accurately
Record keeping may feel like a chore, but it is a vital safeguard for everyone involved.
Write down:
- the date and time,
- who was present,
- what was said (use exact words where possible), and
- where the disclosure happened.
No analysis. No assumptions. Just facts.
The notes you make could later be crucial if the situation develops or further information comes to light.
A brave moment deserves a brave response
Disclosing abuse is incredibly difficult. The person speaking may feel shame, fear, confusion, loyalty to the person harming them, or terror about what will happen next. It may have taken them days, months, or even years to build up the courage to tell someone.
Our role is not to judge. It is not to investigate. It is simply to listen, protect, and pass the information on safely. By staying calm, using supportive language, and following your safeguarding procedures, you help ensure that the person’s bravery leads to safety – not silence.
Final reassurance
Safeguarding can feel daunting. But you don’t need to be an expert to do the right thing.
If you remember just these three things, you will already be supporting someone in the best possible way:
- Listen
- Don’t promise secrecy
- Tell the safeguarding lead
The responsibility for the next steps does not sit with you – and nor should it.
Thank you for caring enough to learn how to respond well. The small choices you make in those few minutes of disclosure can make a life-changing difference.
If you would like to see a short video which explains the above you can watch one below: